


Never Let Me Go

by gardenofmaris



Category: How to Get Away with Murder
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Connor lets all of his feelings out for once, M/M, Romantic Angst, Romantic Audio
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-07
Updated: 2015-04-07
Packaged: 2018-03-21 19:38:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 808
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3703219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gardenofmaris/pseuds/gardenofmaris
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Connor can't sleep, so he sends Oliver an audio message apologizing. Written after that guy told Connor to go away and never come back.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Never Let Me Go

**Author's Note:**

> The scene where that guy in Oliver's apartment told Connor to leave and never come back if he cared ripped my heart out and shoved it in a blender so I decided to write something and let out all of my pain.

“ _If you care about Oliver at all, never come back.”_ ****

The words whirled relentlessly in Connor’s brain, pounding and screaming and making him feel like he was going to go insane.

 

 

“ ~~ _I can’t believe I did such a stupid th-_~~

_Okay, no. I can believe it. I’m saying this to you because I want to apologize to you, and I refuse to write such a blatant lie to start that off. I’ve messed up enough already._

  _I told you that I didn’t do relationships, that I didn’t do boyfriends. And I didn’t. I could count on one hand the amount of relationships I’ve had, and none of them even came close to what I have with you. Sure, a lot of it was just mindless amazing sex, but I don’t bring dinner just for anybody. I don’t let people do me. I don’t let people choose what movie to watch. I don’t cuddle._

_But I did all of this with you, Oliver. I thought you had seen what I had been trying to say, what I’m not sure I could say to your face for a really long time._

_I’m not in love with you. That much I know. It was too soon, too much, and I don’t love easily. But I care. I really, truly care._

_That man that opened the door, I don’t know who he is, and I don’t care. We weren’t together at that time in the first place, and no matter how much it hurt to see him there, I can understand. I don’t blame anyone but myself. But please, Oliver, I need you. I know I screwed up. I really did. And yes, I know how utterly cliché that it, but I need to get it off of my chest._

_I hurt you so badly. I hurt him. I had a hand in him killing himself, and I still can’t get the image of him leaning back and falling from that window out of my nightmares. But every time I think that that is the worse part to come in those nightmares, I see your face, I hear your voice yelling at me to get out, I feel your hands shoving me out the door, nothing like those nights we spent together when we worshiped each other._

_One of the things I’ve always despised with every fiber of my being is cheaters, and I always knew that I wasn’t the monogamous type. So I figured, don’t get attached, don’t date, and you can get your fill without cheating and hurting someone that badly._

_I want to say that I didn’t know we were dating, but I did. I denied it as much as possible, but everyone including us knew it. It got to become so much more than just sex, and that scared me._

_Oliver, please, even if you hate me now, just say something. Anything. I’ll take whatever I can get. Even just one final “go away” would seal it for me. Because I need to know that you’ll still acknowledge me, that you still care a little bit._

_I care a lot about you, and maybe one day I could love you if you decide to keep me._

_I’m a coward, and a slut, and an asshole, and God, there is so much that I would take back. But it happened and I can’t change that, and I need you like I’ve never needed anyone else. And I know that I’ve said that before, but I can’t say it enough._

_I need you, Oliver._

_I need you so much._

_I care about you._

_I miss you.”_

           

Oliver sighed loudly and pinched the bridge of his nose, hitting the replay button on the audio message for probably the 100th time. But he couldn’t put it down, just like he couldn’t put down the recording of that guy talking about Connor banging him.

He snorted derisively, angrily wiping away the tears that gathered at the corners of his eyes like Sunday in the Bible Belt. Wasn’t that the icing on the cake? Of course Connor would apologize the exact same way that his cheating was revealed.

Oliver missed him too. He missed his gorgeous face, that sweet smile, that soft hair, the way he acted like he couldn’t care less but brought his favorite food for dinner the next night. But he didn’t know what to do. Connor had hurt him, and Oliver knew that that was how he was. His interest was never kept for long. Soon he’d be out on the town, looking for the next shiny thing to snatch from the street. Give it time, and Connor would just be a painfully sweet memory.

But, he decided, sighing again and reaching for his phone, Connor at least deserved a phone call and a chance to explain himself in person.

 


End file.
